Tourmaline Necklace
Tourmaline Necklace
Asking for a gift back?
I'm just recently out of a long-term relationship where many gifts were exchanged between us over the course of our time together. Now the ex is asking for several items back: a pink tourmaline ring (non-engagement), a Swarovski crystal display piece, a necklace, etc. I am having a problem with this as I believe once a gift is given with sincere intent it should not be negotiable to be returned. I have not asked for anything back and don't intend to. I believe it's tacky. He disagrees. Any opinions? Feelings on etiquette about this? Thanks.
I think he's way in the wrong. A gift should be freely-given and you should not have to feel like whether or not it is yours to keep is dependant upon whether the relationship remains intact or not. That was never a gift if it had strings attached.
Obviously, if the ring had been an engagement ring, I would return it, as that is one instance of a gift that does indeed have strings attached. I would also return to him anything that had sentimental value (eg family pieces he may have passed on to you). But other than that, I think the gifts you were given should be yours to keep.
If he wants them returned though, I would consider that if he feels like that about it, I wouldn't even want the stuff. I just wouldn't crave anything I wasn't welcome to have. Right or wrong, I'd pack it all up and send it back. Not because you have to, but because there's no material possession that could be worth having him hold it over you the way he does.
In answer to the etiquette issue, you are in the right, and he is in the wrong.
But to consider the bigger picture, I would hand over the stuff anyway. Your eagerness to hand the 'gifts' back over would undoubtedly deflate him. He's using them to manipulate and hold power over you now. I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't even deign to argue about it. I would rid myself of the stuff and let him have it. It's a cheap way to relieve yourself of a very heavy burden ... him!
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